Witzig muss es sein und flach II
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IP.Saint
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Du musst erst einige Beiträge anderer Benutzer bewertet haben, bevor du bouraque erneut bewerten kannst.
Da fällt mir grad auch How I met your Mother ein, Barny
"Ich bin kein typischer Raucher. Ich rauche nur in gewissen Situationen. Postkoital, wenn ich auf Deutsche treffe (manchmal kommt das zusammen), koital, an Geburtstagen, um meine Mom zu ärgern, präkoital, auf einem Segelboot, jedes Jahr wenn die Mets rechnerisch keine Chance mehr haben und auch bei - und das hab ich bei Scott auch - Angst vor dem Schwangerschaftstest."
"Und warum rauchst du jetzt?"
"Ich bin immer präkoital, Ted."
Da fällt mir grad auch How I met your Mother ein, Barny
"Ich bin kein typischer Raucher. Ich rauche nur in gewissen Situationen. Postkoital, wenn ich auf Deutsche treffe (manchmal kommt das zusammen), koital, an Geburtstagen, um meine Mom zu ärgern, präkoital, auf einem Segelboot, jedes Jahr wenn die Mets rechnerisch keine Chance mehr haben und auch bei - und das hab ich bei Scott auch - Angst vor dem Schwangerschaftstest."
"Und warum rauchst du jetzt?"
"Ich bin immer präkoital, Ted."
Zuletzt bearbeitet von einem Moderator:
Sandmann da MC
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Was ist ein Bayer?
Die Zwischenstufe zwischen Österreicher und Mensch.
DoctahCerveza
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- 11. Januar 2005
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Mighty Mahone
ist hier aktiv
- Registriert
- 1. Februar 2007
- Beiträge
- 255
Gerade gefunden gibt mehr von diesen Air Traffic Mitschnitten:
>The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots and
>control towers around the world.
>================================================== ==
>
>Tower: “Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o’clock, 6 miles!”
>
>Delta 351: “Give us another hint! We have digital watches!”
>
>================================================== ===
>
>”TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees.”
>
>”Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?”
>
>”Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?”
>
>================================================== ====
>
>From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: “I’m f…ing
>bored!”
>
>Ground Traffic Control: “Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself
>immediately!”
>
>Unknown aircraft: “I said I was f…ing bored, not f…ing stupid!”
>
>================================================== ====
>
>O’Hare Approach Control to a 747: “United 329 heavy, your traffic is a
>Fokker, one o’clock, three miles, Eastbound.”
>
>United 329: “Approach, I’ve always wanted to say this… I’ve got the
>little Fokker in sight.”
>
>================================================== ====
>
>A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight.
>
>While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, “What was your
>last known position?”
>
>Student: “When I was number one for takeoff.”
>
>================================================== ========
>
>A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out
>after touching down.
>
>San Jose Tower Noted: “American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of
>the runway, if you are able.
>
>If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right
>at the lights and return to the airport.”
>
>================================================== ========
>
>There’s a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing
>because his single-engine jet fighter was running “a bit peaked.”
>
>Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a
>B-52 that had one engine (of eight engines) shut down.
>
>”Ah,” the fighter pilot remarked, “The dreaded seven-engine approach.”
>
>================================================== ========
>
>Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around and
>returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
>
>A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What, exactly, was the
>problem?”
>
>”The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,” explained the
>flight attendant. “It took us a while to find a new pilot.”
>
>================================================== ========
>
>A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the
>following: Lufthansa (in German): “Ground, what is our start clearance
>time?”
>
>Ground (in English): “If you want an answer you must speak in English.”
>
>Lufthansa (in English): “I am a German, flying a German airplane, in
>Germany. Why must I speak English?”
>
>Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
>”Because you lost the bloody war.”
>
>================================================== ========
>
>Tower: “Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency
>124.7”
>
>Eastern 702: “Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after
>we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the
>runway.”
>
>Tower: “Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact
>Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?”
>
>Continental 635: “Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we
>copied Eastern… we’ve already notified our caterers.”
>
>================================================== =======
>
>One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told b by the tower to hold short
>of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out,
>turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.
>
>Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said,
>”What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?”
>
>The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a
>real zinger:
>”I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I’ll have
>enough parts for another one.”
>
>================================================== =======
>
>While taxiing at London’s Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight
>departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a
>United 727.
>
>An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:
>”US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto
>Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it’s
>difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it
>right!”
>
>Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
>hysterically: “God! Now you’ve screwed everything up! It’ll take forever to
>sort this out! You stay right there and don’t move till I tell you to! You
>can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I
>want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell
>you! You got that, US Air 2771?”
>”Yes, ma’am,” the humbled crew responded.
>
>Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent
>after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging
>the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every
>cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running
>high.
>
>Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone,
>asking:
>”Wasn’t I married to you once?”
>
>================================================== =====================
>
>The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a
>short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one’s gate parking
>location, but how to get there without any assistance from them.
>So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the
>following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways
>747, call sign Speedbird 206.
>
>Speedbird 206: “Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway.”
>
>Ground: “Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.”
>
>The PA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
>
>Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”
>
>Speedbird 206: “Stand by, Ground, I’m looking up our gate location now.”
>
>Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): “Speedbird 206, have you not been
>to Frankfurt before?”
>
>Speedbird 206 (coolly): “Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, — And I
>didn’t land.”
>
>The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots and
>control towers around the world.
>================================================== ==
>
>Tower: “Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o’clock, 6 miles!”
>
>Delta 351: “Give us another hint! We have digital watches!”
>
>================================================== ===
>
>”TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees.”
>
>”Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?”
>
>”Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?”
>
>================================================== ====
>
>From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: “I’m f…ing
>bored!”
>
>Ground Traffic Control: “Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself
>immediately!”
>
>Unknown aircraft: “I said I was f…ing bored, not f…ing stupid!”
>
>================================================== ====
>
>O’Hare Approach Control to a 747: “United 329 heavy, your traffic is a
>Fokker, one o’clock, three miles, Eastbound.”
>
>United 329: “Approach, I’ve always wanted to say this… I’ve got the
>little Fokker in sight.”
>
>================================================== ====
>
>A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight.
>
>While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, “What was your
>last known position?”
>
>Student: “When I was number one for takeoff.”
>
>================================================== ========
>
>A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out
>after touching down.
>
>San Jose Tower Noted: “American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of
>the runway, if you are able.
>
>If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right
>at the lights and return to the airport.”
>
>================================================== ========
>
>There’s a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing
>because his single-engine jet fighter was running “a bit peaked.”
>
>Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a
>B-52 that had one engine (of eight engines) shut down.
>
>”Ah,” the fighter pilot remarked, “The dreaded seven-engine approach.”
>
>================================================== ========
>
>Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around and
>returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
>
>A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What, exactly, was the
>problem?”
>
>”The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,” explained the
>flight attendant. “It took us a while to find a new pilot.”
>
>================================================== ========
>
>A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the
>following: Lufthansa (in German): “Ground, what is our start clearance
>time?”
>
>Ground (in English): “If you want an answer you must speak in English.”
>
>Lufthansa (in English): “I am a German, flying a German airplane, in
>Germany. Why must I speak English?”
>
>Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
>”Because you lost the bloody war.”
>
>================================================== ========
>
>Tower: “Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency
>124.7”
>
>Eastern 702: “Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after
>we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the
>runway.”
>
>Tower: “Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact
>Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?”
>
>Continental 635: “Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we
>copied Eastern… we’ve already notified our caterers.”
>
>================================================== =======
>
>One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told b by the tower to hold short
>of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out,
>turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.
>
>Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said,
>”What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?”
>
>The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a
>real zinger:
>”I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I’ll have
>enough parts for another one.”
>
>================================================== =======
>
>While taxiing at London’s Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight
>departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a
>United 727.
>
>An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:
>”US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto
>Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it’s
>difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it
>right!”
>
>Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
>hysterically: “God! Now you’ve screwed everything up! It’ll take forever to
>sort this out! You stay right there and don’t move till I tell you to! You
>can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I
>want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell
>you! You got that, US Air 2771?”
>”Yes, ma’am,” the humbled crew responded.
>
>Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent
>after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging
>the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every
>cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running
>high.
>
>Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone,
>asking:
>”Wasn’t I married to you once?”
>
>================================================== =====================
>
>The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a
>short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one’s gate parking
>location, but how to get there without any assistance from them.
>So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the
>following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways
>747, call sign Speedbird 206.
>
>Speedbird 206: “Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway.”
>
>Ground: “Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.”
>
>The PA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
>
>Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”
>
>Speedbird 206: “Stand by, Ground, I’m looking up our gate location now.”
>
>Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): “Speedbird 206, have you not been
>to Frankfurt before?”
>
>Speedbird 206 (coolly): “Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, — And I
>didn’t land.”
>
Gelöschtes Mitglied 211148
Altgedient
- Registriert
- 18. April 2010
- Beiträge
- 732
Besorgt ruft Horst Seehofer beim Hausarzt von Guttenberg an:
"Also wissen Sie, wir kennen ja beide den Ex-Verteidigungsminister sehr gut und wissen, dass er ein dickes Fell hat. Aber finden Sie nicht auch, dass diese
vielen Witze, die über ihn gemacht werden, allmählich seine psychische Be-
lastbarkeit übersteigen?"
Der Hausarzt antwortet: "Machen Sie sich da mal keine Sorge, er hält das schon aus. Aber achten Sie bitte darauf, dass ihm keiner die Pointen erklärt!"
"Also wissen Sie, wir kennen ja beide den Ex-Verteidigungsminister sehr gut und wissen, dass er ein dickes Fell hat. Aber finden Sie nicht auch, dass diese
vielen Witze, die über ihn gemacht werden, allmählich seine psychische Be-
lastbarkeit übersteigen?"
Der Hausarzt antwortet: "Machen Sie sich da mal keine Sorge, er hält das schon aus. Aber achten Sie bitte darauf, dass ihm keiner die Pointen erklärt!"
Zuletzt bearbeitet von einem Moderator:
Mighty Mahone
ist hier aktiv
- Registriert
- 1. Februar 2007
- Beiträge
- 255
Yo, les mich gerade durch die "Bad Jokes"-Threads der englischsprachigen Foren, sind echt ein paar Perlen dabei, die hierzulande glaub ich noch neu sind,
werde mal die besten übersetzen:
----------
Geht ne Frau zum Arzt,
und nach ein paar Untersuchungen meint er zu ihr:
"Tja, machen sie sich bereit für schlaflose Nächte und dreckige Windeln"
Meint sie freudestrahlend: "Ich bin schwanger ?!?"
Er: "Nicht ganz, sie haben Darmkrebs..."
---------------
Geht ein Typ zu ner hübschen Frau, und meint selbstbewusst:
"Na, was würdest du zu einem kleinem Fickerchen sagen ?"
Sie: "Hallo, kleines Fickerchen"
------
Geht ein Typ in eine Bar, und sieht ein Schild an der Wand , auf dem steht:
Käsebrötchen: € 2,50
Handjobs: 10€
Nachdem einem kleinem Blick in die Brieftasche, ob er die nötigen Zahlungsmittel dabei hat,
geht er zur Theke, und sieht eine äusserst attraktive Blondine, wie sie Drinks ausschenkt.
"Ja ?", fragt sie mit einem freundlichen Lächeln, "Kann ich helfen ?"
"Yep" flüstert der Typ vertraulich "Bist du das, der die Handjobs verteilt ?"
"Ja" schnurrt sie "Das bin ich"
Darauf er: "Dann wasch dir die Hände, ich will ein Käsebrötchen"
Rest im Laufe der nächsten Tage,
Cheers,
Mahone
werde mal die besten übersetzen:
----------
Geht ne Frau zum Arzt,
und nach ein paar Untersuchungen meint er zu ihr:
"Tja, machen sie sich bereit für schlaflose Nächte und dreckige Windeln"
Meint sie freudestrahlend: "Ich bin schwanger ?!?"
Er: "Nicht ganz, sie haben Darmkrebs..."
---------------
Geht ein Typ zu ner hübschen Frau, und meint selbstbewusst:
"Na, was würdest du zu einem kleinem Fickerchen sagen ?"
Sie: "Hallo, kleines Fickerchen"
------
Geht ein Typ in eine Bar, und sieht ein Schild an der Wand , auf dem steht:
Käsebrötchen: € 2,50
Handjobs: 10€
Nachdem einem kleinem Blick in die Brieftasche, ob er die nötigen Zahlungsmittel dabei hat,
geht er zur Theke, und sieht eine äusserst attraktive Blondine, wie sie Drinks ausschenkt.
"Ja ?", fragt sie mit einem freundlichen Lächeln, "Kann ich helfen ?"
"Yep" flüstert der Typ vertraulich "Bist du das, der die Handjobs verteilt ?"
"Ja" schnurrt sie "Das bin ich"
Darauf er: "Dann wasch dir die Hände, ich will ein Käsebrötchen"
Rest im Laufe der nächsten Tage,
Cheers,
Mahone
bouraque
ist hier aktiv
- Registriert
- 20. Juni 2010
- Beiträge
- 640
marge: homer musst du nicht schon längst bei der arbeit sein?
homer: nein da gehe ich nicht mehr hin der chef hat gesagt wenn ich noch einmal zu spät komme verlier ich meinen job. das risiko gehe ich nicht ein.
@mahone
Lass die lieber unübersetzt büdde
homer: nein da gehe ich nicht mehr hin der chef hat gesagt wenn ich noch einmal zu spät komme verlier ich meinen job. das risiko gehe ich nicht ein.
@mahone
Lass die lieber unübersetzt büdde
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